


Heartbreaker

by jarvis_ismy_copilot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I Tried, I'm Sorry, Songfic, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 17:36:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarvis_ismy_copilot/pseuds/jarvis_ismy_copilot
Summary: Armitage Hux allows himself a night of weakness without realizing that in his indulgence he has sealed your fate. The aftermath leaves you heartbroken, desperately trying to get your answers from him but he won't face you. Until he does.Based on Ansel Elgort's "Thief".





	Heartbreaker

**Author's Note:**

> I arise (yet again) from the ashes with a brand new fic (although given the fact that I'm by no means popular, this is probably the first you've ever read from me so yeah). Change of fandoms? You can bet your ass it is!
> 
> So, since I'm me, I love Hux to pieces and Kylo! (Although I must admit I couldn't stand Hux at first but the fandom changed my mind lmao).
> 
> Without further ado, Voilà!

Warm light spilled from the lamp on you nightstand, covering your naked body like a blanket. Hux's right arm was wrapped around your middle, settled peacefully on your stomach while his other arm was propping his head up. You glanced behind you with a short tilt of your head and saw him staring straight ahead, a thoughtful look on his pale face. For once, his features weren't marred by the harsh angles of fury or disgust, nor were they blank like a field after a fresh bout of snow.

Sensing your eyes on him, Hux shifted his gaze to look down at you and a small, barely there smile curved his soft lips as his visage warmed and softened.

"What is it, [Y/N]?" His warm breath was ghosting over your ear and cheek while his blue-green eyes studied your face for a second before meeting your [e/c] ones again.

"Nothing, Hux. Just admiring the view," you explained with a lilt to your voice which was immediately covered up by a long yawn. You covered your mouth and giggled into your palm.

Hux's eyes never left your form, his heart aching in his chest, face full of affection. He adored you and never wanted to let you go. His arm squeezed you tighter for a few seconds before settling on your hip.

"I think you should go to sleep, dea-[Y/N]," Hux coughed to cover up his slip of the tongue, "It's late already and you're tired. Get some rest."

"But I want to keep talking to you, I want to keep this moment forever," you whined while you buried yourself deeper in the covers and snuggled closer to Hux's body.

He shushed you gently, "We'll see each other tomorrow, worry not. Now sleep."

"Mhmm fiiine," you mumbled, voice rich with sleep already. Despite your protests, soft snoring escaped you in minutes, your mind asleep. Hux shifted his eyes from you as soon as he noticed you were asleep and started tracing your figure with the tip of his finger gently.

Your skin was warm and soft on his own, loving and inviting. He wanted nothing more than to hold you close and forget about the world. Forget about the upcoming war between the First Order and the Resistance, forget about his duties as a General, forget about who you were and who he was. But he couldn't. Life wasn't nice, it wasn't how we want it to be, and it certainly wasn't for him.

He had allowed himself this night of weakness, of indulging himself but nothing more. You two had danced around each other in this manner for too long and he had become intoxicated with you, your presence, your everything. Your beautiful, still innocent and naive soul kept calling to him and he gave in that night. He allowed himself to show his interest openly and allowed you to take him to your bed, never his. However, this would be a singular occurrence, no point getting his or your hopes up about something that was impossible.

Time passed by Hux while he was drowning in his thoughts. The ginger General glanced at the digital clock right next to the lamp and with a sigh he removed himself from your form, getting up and putting on his clothes. Glancing around him for any forgotten articles of clothing and discovering none, Hux made for the door. Before his hand reached the keypad next to your door, he turned around and moved back to your bed. He picked up the blanket bundled up at your feet and draped it on you. With a sigh, you pulled it closer to yourself, your face settling once more into a peaceful expression. Hux released the breath he had involuntarily held in his lungs and turned around, punched in the code to your quarters, said a quiet "Good night" without turning around and walked out the door, taking your torn apart heart with him.

* * *

  
Your eyes fluttered open as the buzzing of The Finalizer gently pulled you from your dreams. You glanced at your clock and upon seeing you were thirty minutes early for your day decided to snuggle back in the covers of your bed, closer to Hux's body. Only, he wasn't there. Snapping your eyes open again, you turned around to see the other side of the bed empty and cold. Your heart sank in your chest and tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

 _'He must be in the shower. Yes, he must be,'_ you thought to yourself desperately, trying to convince yourself against your biggest fear, as you kicked the blanket away and rushed to the bathroom. To your dismay, the door was wide open as you had left it the day before, no sound of a shower running coming from inside.

 _'Maybe he had to leave for urgent matters and left me a note,'_ your mind continued to try to come up with another, less heartbreaking explanation for General Hux's absence from your bed or your quarters. With this thought in mind you turned back and made a beeline for the nightstand, desperately searching for a slip of paper or a napkin, anything he might've left you a note on. Reality crashed down on you like a harsh wave when you came up empty handed and your attempts turned out to be futile.

Falling on your bed dejectedly, you ran a hand through your hair and started sobbing without warning as the realization that he had truly left with no trace in the middle of the night or before you woke up this morning crushed your heart. Knowing you still had time until your alarm was supposed to go off, you curled up back on your bed and cried, sobs wracking your body and echoing around the room.

* * *

  
The General sat at his desk while he was sipping his coffee and looking over his schedule for the day. There was just the faintest of traces of whiskey in his cup, but no one would dare bring it up even if they were to notice. If The First Order's General had a drinking problem, it was *his* drinking problem.

Hux lifted his head up as a knock came from his office door then his gaze settled back on the papers in front of him before answering, "Who is it? Come in."

The door opened and closed then a muffled voice spoke up, "Captain Phasma, Sir. I apologize for disturbing you."

"Captain. What may I help you with?" Hux acknowledged her with a nod of his head, allowing her to approach his desk at the same time with the small gesture and waited for her answer while she stepped forward.

"The new recruits have just arrived, Sir. I am going to start their training today and I came to announce their arrival before that, just as you have ordered me to." Phasma bowed her head slightly respectfully but he dismissed it with a flick of his wrist.

"Yes, you did well. Thank you, Captain. Is there anything else?"

"No, General."

"Then you're dismissed."

"Yes, Sir." With another bow of her head, Phasma turned back on her heels and left. Just before reaching the door she turned around, her face wearing an unsure expression which her superior, obviously, could not read under her mask. "Actually, Sir, there was something more."

Irritably, Hux lifted his head from his paperwork.

"Well? What is it? Don't waste my time."

"Lieutenant [L/N] has asked me about your whereabouts, Sir. I believe she wanted to speak with you."

A pained look flashed in his eyes and guilt churned in his stomach for the briefest of seconds before his face shifted back into a neutral expression. "I'm quite busy, Captain. I don't have time for chit chats with low ranking Lieutenants. Tell her I'm out of the office for the day."

"Of course, Sir." Phasma replied, a bit puzzled by the General's unusual order, but set on obeying it regardless. With this, she left the office in long, confident strides and almost collided with you.

"Captain Phasma!" You saluted, a bit surprised.

"Lieutenant. Unfortunately, the General is out of his office for the day, you will have to wait until you can arrange a meeting with him." Phasma felt bad for lying to you, a fairly close friend on the Finalizer, but a superior's orders were more important than friendship and were to be followed no matter what.

She didn't fail to notice your crestfallen expression at her words, either, but chose instead to keep her mouth shut. It was none of her business.

"Oh.. I uhh understand. Thank you, Captain."

"Lieutenant." With the clear dismissal, she left to greet the new recruits, you remaining behind, rooted on the spot. You shot one last forlorn look at the General's door, sniffed while wiping your eyes of any tears that might have escaped and straightened up. You had a job to do and you couldn't afford to let personal feelings and matters intervene. And with that, you turned on your heels and headed for your sector, more or less ready to start your day.

* * *

  
That night, Hux remained in his office to finish some paperwork due the next day. Once he was done, he poured himself a glass of bourbon and settled on the couch in the corner of his office. He pulled out a worn out, leather bound, black journal from the locked drawer of his desk and a pen and ink before plopping down on the couch.

The ginger opened the journal with ease, his fingers tracing the pages, caressing the words neatly embedded in the paper. Many names made a pang in his chest squeeze something inside him but none like the first one. As he wrote down yours on a blank page, he realized none like yours either.

Nonetheless, Hux began to unload the words on the page one by one, spilling the love he had taken on the parchment. There was nothing more he could do but drown in yet another mistake. His mind raced with the description of your body, how it had bent to his will and pleasured him in ways he had long forgotten. Word after word, Hux relived the night before, the feelings you had made resurface in him stirring again in his hollowed chest. He huffed a bitter laugh at his. _'The heartless General of The First Order, whose ribcage is believed to be hollow, overcome by long forgotten feelings. The irony.'_

As the words halted and his writing ceased, Hux turned to the first page, the name forever imprinted on his mind almost breaking him. A flash of red hair and baby blue eyes caught him by surprise as the repressed memories came crashing down all at once. A curvy figure cooking at a stove while humming under her breath, a warm laughter filling his ears and leaving a bittersweet taste in his mouth, a loving embrace, a betrayed and terrified expression. An echo screaming with desperation, "Armitage, you love me! You told me so. Please don't do this! Please! ARMITAGE!", a blurry vision, a gunshot. A fulfilled order, a necessity, loyalty proven. A ribcage hollowed, a sworn oath whispered in his mind, "Never again."

Tears were running down his cheeks as he stared straight ahead silently. No one would've been able to notice he was crying if not for the red around his eyes and the obvious tears on his face. He was a still statue, seemingly unfeeling and unshaken by the trivialities of life. Not a human. But inside, General Armitage Hux of The First Order was screaming at the top of his lungs, banging on the cold walls he had built around his frayed heart, surrounded by flames.

Hux took the last gulp of bourbon in his glass and swallowed it along with his fears of getting too close again, of dying all over again. He poured another glass and drank it in one go before standing up and putting the journal away. With that, Hux left his office, locked it and retired to his private quarters to break further for the rest of the night.

* * *

  
The General kept avoiding you for the rest of the week, cementing the idea that he had truly seen you as nothing but a one night stand, no strings attached. When, at the start of the following week, you finally caught a moment to speak to him and tried to bring up the subject of the night you had spent together, Hux feigned nonchalance and dismissed the subject as if it were nothing. The next day, he acted as if nothing had happened and talked to you like he hadn't been inside you both physically and emotionally for a night. His attitude towards you was cold and indifferent, his words neutral or harsh, like a superior's to his subjects. That hurt more than when he had merely ignored you, and it left you trying to gather the broken, scarred pieces of your heart in a weak attempt at gluing them back together.

However, you went on like it wasn't ruining you on the inside, did your job as well as before. Nothing changed and it never would, because you never mixed business with pleasure, or in this case -heartbreak.

But Hux could see how his freezing attitude and biting words affected you, knew that in his attempt to shield both you and himself, he had ended up wiping out that alluring innocence and raw beauty he had seen inside your soul. He was rotting you from the inside and turning you into himself. He couldn't bear to see yet another mistake of his hurting someone so pure, so lovely. Everything he touched, he turned to ashes.

So he shut you out completely. It was cowardly, Hux knew that. But he couldn't look you in the eye and see the light fading from your eyes, the hurt expression turning into ice with each passing day.

That is, until you stumbled onto him on a Saturday night, clothes disheveled and hair a mess, reeking of alcohol and trying to clumsily make your way to your quarters. Hux caught you midfall and steadied you. You looked up with furrowed brows at him and upon realizing who it was your face morphed into an expression of disgust and thinly veiled heartbreak.

"Ohhh, our esteemed Ge-hiccup-General!" you tried to take a mocking bow but stumbled back into his chest, his hands on your arms keeping you still. "What do I owe the...the... what was it? Ahh, the honour. What do I owe the honour?" your voice was laced with venom.

"Lieutenant, what are you doing in this state, wandering the hallways? I'm taking you back to your quarters and I expect you in my office first thing in the morning to receive your punishment." He told you sternly, trying to remain unaffected by the state you were in - _he_ had brought you in.

"Why do you care? Lea-Leave me alone. I'll -hiccup- get there myself." you pushed him away and walked around him, trying to get away. Unfortunately, you were too intoxicated to walk without assistance and collided with the floor, barely catching yourself on your palms.

"[Y/N]!" Hux yelled as he grabbed you and put you back on your feet. He turned you around so you were facing him and barely contained his anger at you for doing such a stupid thing and the hurt he was feeling for bringing you to the edge. "What do you think you're doing?! That's it, I'm taking you back to your room."

He lifted you up in his arms and carried you back, not bothering to try to get you to walk; it was obviously just going to get you hurt. Once he reached your door he punched in the code and closed the door behind you both before carrying you to your bed and setting you down. You struggled to sit upright but eventually managed it and crossed your arms, waiting for him to say something or leave -again. Hux looked at you with sadness shining bright in his blue-green eyes and sighed.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed?"

You sniffed loudly and looked away, "Maybe it would be for the better."

"What are you talking about, [Y/N]?! Are you out of your mind?!!" his rage surfaced.

"Oh, so I'm [Y/N] now, am I? Don't you mean 'Lieutenant'?" you huffed indignantly. "And no, I'm not out of my mind. I'm perfectly sane. That's my problem."

Hux could feel his heart beating erratically in his chest now. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I wish I truly was insane, maybe then it wouldn't hurt as much. It's killing me, you ignoring me or acting so cold and impenetrable after..after.." you trailed off, not able to finish your sentence due to the tears that were now running freely down your cheeks and because of the lump in your throat that was preventing you from speaking.

Hux didn't know what to do. Or say. He didn't think there was anything that _could_ have been said in that situation.

"I.. This is for the best, [Y/N], trust me. It would be better if you just forget me and what we shared that night."

You turned your head to look at Hux, your eyes connecting. "HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT YOU, ARMITAGE, WHEN I'VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH YOU AND YOU JUST LEFT ME?!" your voice was unexpectedly loud. "You just left me..." you repeated, softer this time, your voice breaking.

Your words hit Hux like a hammer in the face and his facade broke, sobs wracking his body for the first time in years. You looked up surprised and your tears stilled on your face at the sight.

"I was just trying to protect you, [Y/N]!! I didn't want you to end up like...like.." his words were barely discernible but they were there.

"Like who, Armitage?" You pressed forward, wanting answers.

"Like Miranda." Hux said, determined to tell the truth. "She was my first love. And I had to kill her before truly joining the First Order, to prove my loyalty to Supreme Leader Snoke, and to rid myself of liabilities and attachments at the same time."

Understanding dawned on you and suddenly everything made sense. "Armitage-"

Hux didn't let you finish, "I don't want you to meet her fate. So in order to protect you, I must let you go and you must do the same. So please, let go."

"But we can make it, Armie, we can! Nothing will happen, no one will know!" You tried to convince him, but it was in vain.

"No, we cannot hide this from the Supreme Leader or Kylo Ren. One of them will find out, if not both. I can't afford this, [Y/N], understand me." Hux's decision was resolute.

"But-"

"Maybe in another life." He interrupted, turning back from you and heading out the door. He turned around to look at you, a crying mess on your bed and said, "Good bye, [Y/N]," before walking out and closing the door behind him.

You stood there, in the middle of your bed, heart completely shattered and whispered into the empty room, "You took the rest of my heart with you, Armitage Hux."


End file.
